Parable of a believer in Christ burning in hell

Set forth to them the parable of a calvinist protestant believer in Christ. Given to him was everything in this life: he was vain, arrogant, boastful, spent his time gossiping and making fun of others. Whatever was given to him turned into ruin and he was thrown into everlasting lake of fire. Do not be like him. What good was his life spent in vain talk, idle gossip, worship of celebrities, looking down upon others, thinking he is superior to all of them? Again i tell you, do not be like him. For him is the lake of sulfur to inherit and the weeping and gnashing of teeth, forever and ever, Amen.