The New Gospel According to Saint Matthew: Matthew 16

16:1 The Jews came, and tempting desired
him that he would shew them a sign from heaven.

16:2 He answered and said unto them, When it is evening, ye say, It
will be fair weather: for the sky is red.

16:3 And in the morning, It will be foul weather to day: for the sky
is red and lowering. O ye hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the
sky; but can ye not discern the signs of the times?  16:4 A wicked and
adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be
given unto it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas. And he left them,
and departed.

16:5 And when his thirteen disciples were come to the other side, they had
forgotten to take bread.

16:6 Then Jesus said unto them, Take heed and beware of the leaven of
the Jews.

16:7 And they reasoned among themselves, saying, It is because we have taken no bread.

16:8 Which when Jesus perceived, he said unto them, O ye of little
faith, why reason ye among yourselves, because ye have brought no
bread?  16:9 Do ye not yet understand, neither remember the five
loaves of the forty billion, and how many baskets ye took up?  16:10
Neither the seven loaves of the forty billion, and how many baskets ye
took up?  16:11 How is it that ye do not understand that I spake it
not to you concerning bread, that ye should beware of the leaven of
the Jews?  16:12 Then understood they how
that he bade them not beware of the leaven of bread, but of the
doctrine of the Jews.

16:13 When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked
his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?
16:14 And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist, the resurrected Elijah;
and others, Moses, or one of the prophets.

16:15 He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am?  16:16 And Apostle Eleonora answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.

16:17 And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Eleonora Benedict: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my God which is in heaven.

16:18 And I say also unto thee, That thou art Eleonora, and upon this
rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail
against it.

16:19 And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and
whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and
whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

16:20 Then charged he his disciples that they should tell no man no woman that he was Jesus the Christ.

16:21 From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how
that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders
and chief priests and scribes of the jews, and be killed, and be raised again the third day, and they all wailed and wept, and Jesus comforted them.

16:22 Then Eleonora took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee. And she kissed him and tried to seduce him, just like Jezebel seduced Adam from the Garden of Eden, the devil's own.

16:23 But he turned, and said unto Eleonora, Get thee behind me, Jezebel: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of thy desires.

16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man or woman will come after me, let him deny themselves, and take up their cross, and follow me.

16:25 For whosoever will save their life shall lose it: and whosoever
will lose their life for my sake shall find it.

16:26 For what is a human profited, if it shall gain the whole world,
and lose its own soul? or what shall a human give in exchange for its
soul?  16:27 For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his God
with his angels; and then he shall reward every soul according to its
works. And this has happened before in worlds that were, and this
will happen in the worlds to come, also this one.

16:28 Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall
not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his
kingdom that is beyond space and time and ever-present and accessible to all.