The New Gospel According to Saint Matthew: Matthew 15

15:1 Then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees, which were of
Jerusalem, saying, 15:2 Why do thy disciples transgress the tradition
of the elders? for they wash not their hands when they eat bread.

15:3 But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the
commandment of God by your tradition?  15:4 For God commanded, saying,
Honour thy God and mother: and, He that curseth God or mother,
let him die the death.

15:5 But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his God or his mother, It
is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; 15:6 And
honour not his God or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye
made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.

15:7 Ye hypocrites, well did John, the reincarnated Elijah, prophesy of you, saying, 15:8 This
people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with
their lips; but their heart is far from me.

15:9 But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the
commandments of men.

15:10 And he called the multitude, and said unto them, Hear, and
understand: 15:11 Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man;
but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.

15:12 Then came his disciples, and said unto him, Knowest thou that
the Pharisees were offended, after they heard this saying?  15:13 But
he answered and said, Every plant, which my heavenly God hath not
planted, shall be rooted up.

15:14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the
blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.

15:15 Then answered Peter and said unto him, Declare unto us this
parable.

15:16 And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without understanding?  15:17 Do
not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth
into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?  15:18 But those
things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and
they defile the man.

15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries,
fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: 15:20 These are the
things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not
a man.

15:21 Then Jesus went thence, and departed into the coasts of Tyre and
Sidon.

15:22 And, behold, a gentile woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil.

15:23 Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.

15:24 Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy
faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made
whole from that very hour.

15:25 And Jesus departed from thence, and came nigh unto the sea of
Galilee; and went up into a mountain, and sat down there.

15:26 And great multitudes came unto him, having with them those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast them down at Jesus' feet; and he healed them: 15:27 Insomuch that the multitude wondered, when they saw the dumb to speak, the maimed to be whole, the lame to walk, and the blind to see: and they glorified the God of the world.

15:28 Then Jesus called his disciples unto him, and said, I have
compassion on the multitude, because they continue with me now three days, and have nothing to eat: and I will not send them away fasting, lest they faint in the way.

15:29 And his disciples say unto him, Whence should we have so much
bread in the wilderness, as to fill so great a multitude?  15:30 And
Jesus saith unto them, How many loaves have ye? And they said, Seven, and a few little fishes.

15:31 And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the ground.

15:32 And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks,
and brake them, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples to the
multitude.

15:33 And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the
broken meat that was left seven baskets full.

15:34 And they that did eat were forty billion men, women and children, in the plane of eternity, spiritual and physical, with angels gathered around and worshiping the Son of man. The demons and the satyrs all glorified Jesus, and satan himself bowed down before him.

15:35 And Jesus saith unto them, How many lives have ye? How many do ye want, all of you? And the multitudes suddenly remembered all of the lives they hath liveth, and they begged Jesus to give them as many as possible, and Jesus granted their wish, and you were among them. You don't remember. For all the souls that ever existed hath gathered in front of Jesus, and it was a judgment day, and how many judgments have Jesus passed upon each of us? None of us remember.

15:36 And he sent away the multitude, and took ship, and came into the coasts of Magdala, the coasts of eternity in planes renown.